Murphy’s Love: Advice on Intimacy and Relationships

The bar scene can be a tough place to meet that special someone.
The bar scene can be a tough place to meet that special someone.

DEAR STACY,

I am a fit, healthy, 29-year-old woman and I hate dating in DC. It seems like in any other city, I would be considered desirable, but here I’m completely ignored. Guys my own age are only interested in one-night stands. Older men are only interested in women who are younger than I am. The bar scene is the worst, and the judgments are so fast and based on nothing realistic (I actually have seen women padding their bras in the bathrooms – are we in 8th grade?). The few real dates I’ve been on since the spring (when I ended a long-term relation- ship) have been less about the guy getting to know me, and more about him getting to know whether I would go home with him later that night (answer: no). I have heard that there are real men who like real women in the Midwest. I cannot believe I’m actually thinking about moving for the possibility that I will find love.

–About Done with D.C.

DEAR ABOUT DONE:

You’re right, DC is a tough dating market. Men and women alike have made similar com- plaints in my office, each with their own inter- pretations: men aren’t interested in real women, women in DC won’t date men who aren’t rich, men are superficial and sex-driven, women are superficial and change the rules too much, and on and on. While I can’t advise you against finding a good Midwestern boy (I’d be a hypo- crite if I said that), I will say that you may not have to pack up your things and head to Indiana just yet.

The bar scene can be a tough place to meet that special someone. First, we need to do a thorough inventory of your approach and, ahem, require that you stay out of the bars if you truly are looking for love (Looking for a fun girls night? Bars are ok). Regard dating as you might consider a job search in a tough economy. Monster.com and the Sunday employment section can only get you so far. Network with your girlfriends, coworkers, volunteer mates (you should be volunteering, btw). Let everyone know you are open to meet- ing a Good Guy, but don’t make that your entire pitch. You want to meet a Good Guy who will {fill in with some specific, fun activity} with you. In other words, you want to create a picture of the life you want, and make sure that those around you have that image as well. That way, when they come across someone who might fit into that scenario, they already have the idea that you could be the right match. ★

Stacy Notaras Murphy is a licensed professional counselor and certified Imago Relationship therapist practicing in Georgetown. Her website is www.stacy- murphyLPC.com. This column is meant for entertain- ment only and should not be considered a substitute for professional counseling. Send your confidential question to stacy@georgetowner.com.

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Fri, 31 Oct 2014 13:52:03 -0400

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