Our Summer of Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop
Around here, and everywhere else, people spend an awful lot of time waiting for the other shoe to drop. Shoeless Joe Jackson did it all his life.
No, it’s not going to rain Christian Louboutins tomorrow.
It’s just that feeling you get that some- thing big-bad or just big, or just dumb and stupid is going to happen very soon — after something big-bad, or just big, or just dumb and stupid has already happened.
So, we thought we’d give some notice of possible shoe droppings. I mean shoes have already dropped on or been dropped by Kwame Brown and Harry Thomas, Jr .
Still waiting to hear from the feds and what’s left of their investigation into Mayor Vincent Gray’s election campaign after two of his aides have pleaded guilty and blabbed to the feds. If I had anything to do with that campaign, I’d walk around town with a shoe-deflective umbrella.
One big shoe’s going to drop Thursday. That’s when the Supreme Court delivers its decision on Obama’s Health Care Reform plan. What are the odds that the shoe will fall on the mandate? If I were a betting man, and I’m not, but still, I’d say they’re pretty good.
How many more shoes are going to drop on the hopes of the Washington Nationals? There’s Zimmerman (Ryan), the hitter, not the pitcher, and his anemic, un-franchise-player-like batting average, there’s Zimmermann (Jordan), the pitcher and his lack of support from his teammates, there’s Werth, out with an injury, there’s Ramos, out with an injury, there’s the top reliever, out with an injury, there’s the 0-7 in a Yankee game by future franchise Harper, and now our ace hits a guy on the noggin and unravels.
But we’re still in first place. Amazing.
Elections campaigns are, of course, the big shoes altogether. Who will have both of his shoes on after the election — I’m betting it’s Romney because he has so many to spare.
Here’s a shoe for blue jeans. Win or lose, how long will Mitt Romney go on wearing blue jeans in public and then cause the blue jean industry to collapse after he stops, causing the loss of 100,000 jobs and pushing the unemployment rate over 10 percent?
That’s when the Ken Cuccinelli presidential campaign begins.
The day Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor debuts on Lifetime Television.
Shoe time two:
The next time Lindsay Lohan goes into rehab.
When the Republicans sweep the House of Representatives, the Senate, the presidency and the nationwide cupcake concessions.
When the Nationals win the World Series, in spite of all the shoes that have dropped on them, shocking the world.
When the new Redskin rookie sensation throws seven interceptions in the first half of the season opener, is replaced by Rex Grossman, who throws seven more, setting an NFL record, whereupon the Redskins fire Shannon, try to get the Joe Gibbs man back into harness for $20 million.
The race between Vincent Orange and Phil Mendelson for City Council Chairman ends in a tie after ten recounts of all of the 1,399 votes cast. The final results: someone wins by a shoe.
Rumored shoe drop:
There are rumors that plans exist to make Avengers II with 350 superheroes, including the Katzenjammer Kids, Homer Simpson, Little Lulu, Mutt and Jeff, the Range Rider and Brenda Starr, thus resulting in a possible film in which every comic character every drawn will be in a movie.
And last, but not least, the biggest shoe drop of all.
There is, of course, December 21 on the Mayan calendar. (Are do new archeological discoveries say otherwise?)
Still, you know the drill. It’s all over, Baby Blue. ★